Goals & dreams – from the sublime to the delivered!

It’s incredible isn’t it?  Those of you that follow me on twitter @debjmeredith will know that I believe in the power of the Universe. It’s power became obvious to me when I met my other half.

Every year and every month I write down goals.  My ex-husband always used to laugh at this ‘fruitless exercise’.  Usually my monthly goals are stepping stones  to help me achieve my annual goals and sometimes you just have to leave things to fate as my mother would say.

Even when I was bankrupt I wrote goals, when I was in the depths of despair last Christmas (more about that some other time) I was still writing goals.  It seemed ludicrous to me last Christmas.  I didn’t even think I’d be here right now let alone achieving some of the goals I’d written down but I’m the sort of person who just has to believe that something good will come out of something bad.  It’s up to you whether you put that down to blind faith, stupidity or something else!

Anyway, last Christmas, one of the things I really hoped to achieve this year was finding a decent partner to love me just as I am.  At 39 with 2 failed marriages behind me and more failed relationships than I care to remember this was a big ask.  I’d become cynical about relationships and to be honest really didn’t think there were any decent men out there.  It seemed to me that they were prepared to wine and dine me until they got what they wanted and then that was it, they were never to be seen again.  For years I went through this cycle, meet a ‘nice’ man, go on a couple of dates, spend the night together, don’t hear from him, I call him, he feels guilty, we date some more, don’t hear from him, I call him, he feels guilty, we date some more.  That was the pattern of my relationships – pretty healthy huh?!

So last year I wrote down exactly what I wanted in a man, here’s what I said “By 15.04.11 I am dating a professional man who adores me and supports me whole-heartedly and unequivocally.  He loves [my son] and we are planning holidays, outings and dates.  He is also able to afford to keep me and is my absolute equal on all levels.”

Now that may seem pretty materialistic but I had been the bread-winner in both of my marriages and even through the majority of my other relationships I didn’t know what it was like to be spoiled or treated unconditionally.  I must point out that I’ve never expected a man to keep me, but I knew I couldn’t go into another relationship where I was expected to be the main bread-winner. I just wasn’t in that place financially, being bankrupt and all!  And, when I wrote this I’d just as well have been asking to win millions on the lottery that’s how achievable it seemed!  But I just knew, with a supportive partner by my side, that I could achieve anything (I’m just one of those people who functions better in a relationship, I’m sure I could have achieved it on my own but self-doubt would have made it take longer).

On 31st March, I met my Mark.  I was only just over my lowest point but I still wasn’t in a great place.  I have to be honest it was instant attraction both ways but I really didn’t think he’d be interested in me.  He works for a major bank (yes really, but I don’t hold that against him), he absolutely adores me and more to the point he totally adores and accepts my son.

So, that’s great, but what’s even more surprising about those goals is that we had a wonderful ‘family’ holiday in July and he’s gone out this morning telling me to book a week away next week so that I can relax properly after what we’ve been through this last month.

Now, I’m not saying I could have done any of that on my own, although I had already booked to take my son camping.  Mark came too and we had a whale of a time.  But there’s no way I could have afforded 2 holidays within a couple of months of each other.

The point I’m trying to make here is sometimes, no matter how ludicrous your goals and dreams, if you believe in them hard enough and want them badly enough, they will manifest.

I currently have significantly more material things than I had when I was bankrupt, not quite so many as I had prior to that but most importantly I’m happier now that I have been for very many years.

Happiness isn’t always down to money (I talk about that in my e-book – The 8 Lessons I Learned from Bankruptcy).  The emotional support I get from Mark is worth it’s weight in Gold.  And if I had to trade next week’s break for more of his support, then I’d do it in a heartbeat.  Without his support at home there’s no way I’d have launched The Bankrupt’s Route to Recovery or done any of the things I’ve done and planned in the past couple of weeks.

What goals and dreams do you have that you think are ludicrous?  They may just be the ones that happen and when they do, who knows what else you can achieve?

Daydream Believer

For years I have known exactly where I want to live.  Down to the very street. It’s one of the most exclusive addresses in my neighbourhood and even as a teenager I used to say to my parents, one day I’m going to have a house or flat there.  However, as the average house price in that street is around £1.5m and flats start at around £500,000 I’ve never really expected that dream to become reality.  Even less so since I became bankrupt.  The dream has been filed away along with other childhood dreams like wanting to be a princess – I used to dream of living in a castle with my handsome prince and wearing a long flowing gown and pointed hat with a veil attached. What girl didn’t?  OK, so I just wanted the dress!

As I’ve grown older I’ve compromised on my dream home.  It became; I want to live in a house on top of a cliff with sea views to the front and countryside to the rear.  Well, I’ve almost got that compromise – I currently live in a flat on top of a cliff with sea views so fantastic that when people come to visit I spend most of my time talking to the back of their heads whilst they stand in my picture window looking at the view!  And that compromise was achieved whilst bankrupt – I looked at numerous properties within my price range and knowing that I would have very limited choices I still turned them down, prolonging my stay at my parents.  But I knew, just knew, that the property I dreamed/compromised about was out there and would have my name on it.  It did and I’ve been living in it for 18 months.

But today, Oh My Goodness, today I was browsing the internet looking for larger properties to rent in my area.  Much as I love where I am you can barely swing a cat in the flat and it’s getting too cramped.  So I entered the search parameters and right at the top of my rental budget is an apartment (not a flat but an apartment – that’s how posh it is!) in the very street I dreamed of living in as a teenager.  It takes over the entire floor of an old Victorian ‘gentleman’s residence’!  I almost hyperventilated when I saw it!  And as if that wasn’t enough, it’s right next door to the house I want to buy (only £1.5m you understand – I’ve told my partner “Next year Rodney, we’ll be millionaires”!)

I couldn’t get on the phone quickly enough to arrange a viewing of the apartment but the earliest I can get to see it is Monday.  There are 3 other viewings of it before that but they can’t squeeze me in until then.  My disappointment was palpable and the Other Half has told me not to build my hopes up but I can’t help being a Daydream Believer (yes, I grew up listening to The Monkees).  He pointed out that it doesn’t have a garden which I so desperately miss but until I get to see the property I won’t know if it’s right.

I’m going to spend the rest of this week and the weekend being a Daydream Believer, after all, stranger things have happened.  And I’m asking the Universe to deliver.  I have Faith that If it’s meant to be, it will be.

And when you’re going through bankruptcy or you’re somewhere along The Bankrupt’s Route to Recovery you’ve still got to have your daydreams to keep you going.

What are you your daydreams?